I read that Burger King is now offering Spam for breakfast in Hawaii. I guess the islanders love the stuff. You know the product Spam? It comes vacuum-sealed in a can that you have to peel open. It’s pale pink and when you shake it from the can it lands—kerplunk!—like a giant pencil eraser onto your plate. Except there’s icky, gooey stuff sticking to it. They said that’s gel, but they surely don’t mean jell-o. It’s nowhere as appetizing.

I just stare at it and go, “Bleech!” and then dispose of it.